Tapestry-Taker

As read in some book, outlined in some article,
likely probably aimed at a different sort but STILL--
mission nonetheless, mission and the tentative uptake.

Mission with base-formation rooted in Other M,
[Misery] (??),
that's the proper fuel, the only gas (for this one).

Redwhite indications. flatlined blockbar to halt,
well-heeled thrust to pry the mind away from counterproductive habits--
if i was younger, if better, younger, better--

Third M-term, Mind,
specifically.

And on and on, suchlike, of course.

Solipsis Ho.

Novel new devices for partnered pairs to
split open the head of the other
and so deeply study and analyze the emotional reactions
to the self-propelled perceptions
(thus what is said, thus what I say)
(and so to see what you think, how you feel in response).

And the outcome has the potential to horrify,
or merely gut the participants,
as they gaze into the black bottomless well
of general human indifference.

And ever again,
the rest of your years,
you would half-measure every future word
and cringe to know
how far it will miss
(as it will, as it must).

Barthelme.

30 October: I return again and again to the problem of my future.

Bucky.

One evening he walked along Lake Michigan and thought of his life up until then. He had disappointed his wife, and he had lost money for his father-in-law and his friends who had invested in the enterprise. He was useless at business and a burden to everyone. Finally he decided upon suicide as the best option. He would drown himself in the lake. He had a good insurance policy, and his wife’s family would take better care of her than he had been able to. As he walked toward the water, he mentally prepared himself for death.
Suddenly something stopped him in his tracks—what he would describe later as a voice, coming from nearby or perhaps from within him. It said, “From now on you need never await temporal attestation to your thought. You think the truth. You do not have the right to eliminate yourself. You do not belong to you. You belong to Universe. Your significance will remain forever obscure to you, but you may assume that you are fulfilling your role if you apply yourself to converting your experiences to the highest advantage of others.” Never having heard voices before, Fuller could only imagine it as something real. Stunned by these words, he turned away from the water and headed home.

Ten Twenty Fifty From Now

Futuretalk
Hazed plan(s)
--and your own
notable absence,
Always Always Always.

Whatever might fit
would shift
and so
no longer fit.

We call this a trend,
based on historical data.

Bird.

Then a few years later he saw the great jazz saxophonist Charlie “Bird” Parker perform live, and the sounds Parker produced touched Coltrane to the core. Something primal and personal came through Parker’s saxophone, a voice from deep within. Coltrane suddenly saw the means for expressing his uniqueness and giving a voice to his own spiritual longings.

Or like some Icelandic thing sweeping in, suggesting a resonance beyond the human.

Snare.

Datamined,

Compared and Contrasted.

Language habits, word preference,

Tabulated against backdrops of other notorieties. 

Self gives Self away

Through much too much sharing,

Too many idle speeches.

As ever could ever be planned (no better),

Like this was the very reason for its Creation.

Ensnared.

Other Persons With Obvious Jesus Complexes/Fixations

Martin Gore
Trent Reznor
Maynard J. Keenan

The It.

Knowing enough to know,
as a pseudo-Barthian,
less what I am than what I'm not.
(Loses a thread...)

Jahili.

Blasphemer against whatever substitute this It holds up.

Jahili. 

Against whatever secret god this broader blank Self worships.

This It is due for its own psychological September.

Virilio 2

Man has revived the question of God through nuclear accident?

God has come back into history through the door of terror.

Virilio.

Death and consciousness are allied, thus the consciousness of death is the origin of consciousness.

Nickel Theory.

The one stable One,
around which the ape-faces are preening,
singing their individual songs of misery.

Structured just so,
that there would be a single stable point,
against which all madness would throw itself.

And so if this stable point breaks,
likewise descends with all the rest,
the effect reveals its mass,
it envelops the globe entirely,
it takes everyone down at once.

Emerson

A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the luster of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.

Right thru the first 3 of John Barth's novels, the male protagonists all suffer from a similar malady, that of having no specific ambition whilst also lacking in any sort of stable identity.

They manage to reason their way to a somewhat comfortable acceptance of this state of being. I have half a mind to copy down their reasoning(s) and repeat them to myself obsessively and basically try to "theft" a mindset from a novel, but we'll see.

 the culture industry is shown not to separate
itself from existence in the way that art does but rather as engaging in ‘the
idolization of the existing order’ (DE: xix). While the culture industry poses
as an escape or rest from the rigours of contemporary existence, any
difference between it and the world as it is constituted at present is, in fact,
merely superficial.