Recalling past-life, remember you used to socialize, recalling the flare-ups of shortlived friendships, sick to your stomach to recall it all, to connect that Talking Mouth to this identity as it currently sits, lethargic, withdrawn, subdued. Defeated? Perhaps something along that lines, yes, AS SUITABLE DESCRIPTOR.
So much that was born, that died, some unhinged cacophony of random interaction, somehow SOMEHOW you *now* are responsible for *that* back then? Are tied to it? Are its lingering kin?
Again to say, more apt than any adjective, i feel a certain ILLNESS to remember this. There is a pronounced wrongness, somewhere, at the root.
This mouth, how it ran. These eyes, how they spun. BUT NOT NOW. BUT NOT. "ME. I'M NOT."
How to comprehend the linkage between this and that, then and now. How to comprehend the gaps, the great alterations. One self, multiselves, sonewhat, somehow? Such grand grand clusterfucks of Time and Memory....
But still, to add this as coda: all that back then, HOW I WAS, it sickens me partly because it is preferable to this, to what i am now, this sluggish narcoleptic mole....
